Catalina

Well I have been disappointed once again. I put a lot of time and money
into preparing an annual trip for the youth to go to Catalina and well
let's just say we didn't meet our quota.

It seems at this point no matter how much I mean to do good things or try
to say the right things... I am always wrong or I am "too honest"... Things
just come out wrong. I try to help people, and I fail. I try to be a friend
and I fail. I try to do things right and I fail, everytime I turn around I
am failing. So, I don't know what to do except for just go into seclusion
until I can figure things out.... I don't know what to do anymore and the
tears just keep coming.

My soul waits for you, Lord

Pslams(130:5) I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
(130:6) My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.

Another night with tears, I have been so emotional lately and it sucks.
Things right now feel like a tornado, just everywhere and I am being pulled
in every which direction. All that I can hold onto is my hope that somehow
the failures is my life will be turned around and made into successes. I
don't understand how people can look forward to the future when I am scared
of the future... Scared! That sucks!! I want to be hopeful that maybe...
Just maybe we'll be able to afford to have a family but I can be
overzealous and assume anything about God's plan for us. "Prosper us and
not to harm us", but in what terms does prosper mean... Most people think
that that means that God will make them wealthy and happen to completely
disagree. Prosper in mind means to make complete and happy, and HEY who
says you have to have MONEY to be complete. Jesus had not even a penny to
his name, the only thing he owned was the clothes on his back and the
sandals on his feet... Do we deserve anything just because we work hard?
No. Anyway, I am so torn between what God wants for us and what we are
actually doing, God has blessed us and that's what I can be content in.
Geeesshhh give me a breather and send us your prayers.

Don't know what to call this blog....

I feel as though we are always failing at what we do in ministry, and I
don't think anyone who isn't in ministry can truly know how it feels until
you've been here. It is so heavy and so hurtful sometimes to be in ministry
and people's expectations they force on you are almost too much sometimes.
I just cry because no matter what we do or how we do it someone people have
the worst things to say about our duties within ministry. It's hard to work
8 hours and then give your all to a ministry and have people be so
ungrateful. I don't know why our ministry hasn't grown more and I don't
truly know if where we are as youth leaders is truly where God wants us for
the future. This path that we are on is temporary and I have recognized
this now. Where we are going I don't know, but when God leads us I pray it
will be evident. I am in tears a lot, and not because I want to be be but
because of being so deeply saddened and not understanding how God is
working in this moment in our life. I wish I understood, and I wish I felt
I knew what it is we need to do to make this youth group successful.
Oooooohhhh Lord, please show Andrew and I the way, so that we do what's
right.
Keep us in your constant prayers.

We are like Goldfish

"Portion Distortion
Put food in front of a Goldfish and it'll eat it. Put a lot of food in
front of a Goldfish, and it'll eat it all. In fact, it'll eat until it
hurts itself.
And yet, are we so indifferent?"
-Dr Will Clower, The French don't diet plan.

Question to be pondered truly as American who are gluttons. I have read
about halfway through this book and have followed his ideas about food to
eat and I really like eating healthier. We bought all natural and some
organic foods from Trader Joes, and the foods are so much better. The rule
of thumb for what we buy is, of we can't understand what is on the back of
the label then we don't buy it. I have followed this for a week now and
have already lost 3 lbs in a matter of 1 1/2 weeks. The great thing is, I
still have chocolate when I have a craving and still have bread, pasta,
rice, potatoes, etc. ( I jus don't eat anything processed of those items)
Carbs are not the enemy, processed foods anf over eating is the enemy. I
have do 20 minutes of cardio in the morning and 10 minutes of toning
exercises. It is so awesome, I love it. When you get a chance, I am telling
you... Read " The French don't diet plan" by Dr. Will Clower.

Galations 6:14

Sermon notes from Guest Pastor VanderPol
(6:14) May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ,
through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

He left heaven, so that we can go to heaven. He left his home, to save us.
He gave his life as a ransom for us.
God is so Holy and as pure as white clothing, no dust (sin) fills the Lord.
Yet we as Christians can only be as pure as God by knowing God. When we get
to those gates, it will by God's grace and mercy that we may enter into
eternity in Heaven. Jesus sets you and me free, as if you and me have never
sinned. Psalms 103: 12 "... As far as the east is from west, so far as He
has removed our transgressions from us." Let our transgressions be nailed
to the cross and let them die there.

Hebrews (12:1)... Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that
so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out
for us.

Do not give up!!! Let us throw away anything that gets in the way of us
being what God has called us to be. Run free of weights that make it hard
for us to run steady and strong, through Christ we are made free from our
sins.

Thank you Lord for your freedom, thank you for saving me from myself! Let
me take my sins that hinder me be nailed to the cross and die, so I may be
free!

Where is God leading us?

This is a question that obviously fills our thoughts. This may always seem like a repetitive question, but none the less always a question in the back of our mind.

How do we decipher the difference between our wants and our needs? Do we really NEED a house, or do we WANT a house? Sometimes, I get so lost in my desires and I constantly ask God to show me HIS will for our situation. How does one decide that you are ready to have kids? I often wonder how long you would wait to hear God's voice and say "Now is the time". Sometimes, I find it very frustrating because we try very hard to listen for God's will and we follow it. We are particular about our spending, and whether or not buying this (item) would be beneficial for ministry or is it just something we want.

I would like a house, but how long will it be before we get a house? Should we truly wait til we get a house to have a child? Or is having a house an "American" thing that society has forced upon us to make us believe that we need it? How much should we really owe a man? When the Bible says "Do not let any debt remain outstanding" (Romans 13:8), should we really commit our finances to owing a man $300,000? How seriously does God see debt? I struggle with this thought all the time, would us sacrificing getting a house allow Andrew and I to be able to help others out who are not in as good of a financial situation?

Lord, please help me to decipher your will for our lives. Show me to steps to take, so I can walk in your wonderful and perfect will. I chose to live for you, and give for you and to your teachings. I pray that you would take away anything that hinders us from growing closer to you and blinding us from seeing your true will. Thank You Lord for giving me such a wonderful sunset tonight!

Good Eatin

What we had last night was a really good dinner, we had organic chicken with Masala sauce (which is authentic sauce from India, not spicy and really good)placed the chicken in the skillet and just cooked it with the sauce. We also cooked some butternit squash and put some butter and honey on top and also Artichoke Ravioli and Iced Tea to drink. Mmm.... really good. I highly suggest the Masala sauce.

$$$

You know what I have found about most people is this: People who have money
mostly are the same people who say not to worry about money. They don't
have to worry about it because they have it.

Just a quick thought.

Losing weight

Alright, I know everyone has their own way that "works" for them losing
weight. "The french don't diet plan" by Dr. Will Clower...I am trying to
eat healthier so I am reading this book, a friend did this plan and lost 45
lbs. I don't need to lose that much, but I do need to eat healthier and
lose some chub. I am reading the book to get a better concept of how it
works. I am working out 20 minutes of cardio and 15 minutes of stomach and
thigh/butt exercises every morning before work and I can already see the
difference. Americans are gluttons, and I am one to be included in that. I
used to eat everything I wanted without a thought, now I really think about
it. French don't diet but they eat smaller portions and eat slower... They
also walk a lot. You can still eat sweets and things you like but in
smaller portions. According to the book you mouth only tastes the first few
bites of foods, so to satisfy the taste have a few bites and be done. I
will let you know of my progress on this plan so far.

Video from Monday Night

Really crappy video because I was taking video with my phone but oh well still funny none the less:

Crab Soccer

Picture of youth group doing some crab soccer on a monday night. It was a
lot of fun. Some video to be posted soon of the memory!

Update on fire

So, Andrew was coming home and the traffic was so bad he started walking home. I left the park, I told the cop I needed to go pick up my husband he is running up the street to be able to get here. He took down my name and space #, so I left the park. I got to Andrew picked him up and on our way back to our RV to get some more stuff, there was a road block, I informed the officer that I have spoken to another Officer at our park and He was going to let us back in. So, we sat there for 30 minutes, we spoke with another lady and her car was beyond the road block. She drove Andrew to the RV, meanwhile I am back at the car still and out of nowhere the officer take away the road block... ERGH. SO, we get back to out place get something to eat go outside and look at the progress of the fire and it is starting to back down. So, we decided to stay here for the night. When I woke up this morning, I could not see any fire on the hill at all just black. Thank You for all of you that were praying for us.

PRAY FOR US!!

There is a fire right on the hill behind us, pray we don't lose our place.
We are packing up now and leaving for my Dad's til morning. Love you all
and Thanks for your prayers.

Our 4th of July

Today consisted of Andrew and I waking up at 9:30am this morning. I woke up and put away our 2 weeks worth of laundry and tried to tidy up our little tin can a little better. We got ready and headed over to Andrew's parents house for a brunch BBQ and had chicken and beans, etc... and for dessert a Root Beer float. I know, I know I am not supposed to eat those type of things but anyway it was good.

After we finished there, we left for Melissa's house...

We swam a little, joked a little, ate a little carne asada, hot dogs, chicken, chips, beans, etc. Had some 4th of July cake, yummmm and then watched some fireworks. We had a lot of fun, it's just a bummer that we have to go to work tomorrrow once again. Ergghh.. Here are some pictures of our fireworks:

Seeing "Cars" tonight

Who hoo, I am so excited, we are going with a few kids from youth group to
go see "Cars" tonight. I will let ya know how funny it is :)

Today at work

Alright so, I brougt in a frozen biscuit for breakfast this morning... I
was gonna warm it up. Well... The biscuit burnt and I has smoke all over my
office and the offices next to me said they smelled the smoke too. Know the
breakroom smells like an old smoker lady lived there cause it's a mix of
smoke and air freshner. Lovely day at the office. On a brighter note, it is
super quiet at work and no phones ringin off the hooks. Anyway more to come
later.

Denominations

Andrew and I are members of the Christian Reformed denomination. I had an interesting conversation yesterday about denominations. In general, our calling from Christ was to make disciples in all the nations(Matt 28:19) ... to bring people to a saving knowledge of Christ(1 Tim 2:4). We are also called as believers to be unified as one body (1 Cor 12:18,12, Eph 4:4). I am not one for splitting hairs usually, and I think that in a lot of ways Satan has grabbed a hold of some churches. In that, I mean that people have allowed things like denominations to divide them, rather than unify them. Does that mean that we should allow a mormon to preach at a Christian Reformed church.... No. They don't stand upon the same foundations as we do. What I mean is that, how can a Baptist come to me and want to come to my church and I say...well you're Baptist I am sorry you can't come and serve at my church. Sometimes people lose sight COMPLETELY of the grand scheme of things here on earth. There is a purpose for each and every one of us, in the "Big Picture", you have to ask yourself, Is this bringing people closer to Christ or bringing them further away from God's purpose for us. I don't think Christ intended for denominations to split us, but people have taken this to the exteme. Christ himself, was not so narrowminded that he could not socialize with others of different beliefs. If we are following Christ's example, then we need to follow Christ's example. I am not perfect and I never claim to be. But I do understand that our actions can be an eternal consequence. YOU HAVE TO REMIND YOURSELF, THAT YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS ANOTHER PERSON CAN EITHER DRAW THEM INTO A WONDERFUL KNOWLEDGE OF CHRIST OR COMPLETELY DRIVE THEM AWAY FROM CHRISTIANITY ALL TOGETHER. In the "Big Picture" I don't think God would ever want us to split hairs about denominations. I truly do believe that if a church is based on Biblical principles and their doctrine follows just that, then why should anyone divide the body of Christ. We need to be unified in Christ. When The Passion and Narnia came out, a group of churches in Riverside from all different denominations gathered together for one purpose, to reach those in the community that do not know Christ. We had booths with information, bibles, etc. at local movie theaters handing these out and talking with people. I think this is great example, we united together for the one purpose, the purpose in which God has called all of us. I pray that everyone in ministry or in a church understands the eternal impact you can have on people either good or bad. The eternal impact you have on someone can bring them closer to or further away from the Adonai.