.....

I have come to the conclusion that Andrew and I are completely different
than most people we know in our life. Ehhhh, where do I begin? Well #1) We
live in an RV [gosh darn it] I don't know anyone else that is doing that.
It's rough living the way we live and also where we live. Most nights I am
exhausted beyond belief because of how busy we are and how far we have to
drive to go home. #2) We are in ministry, and I say WE because when you are
married to someone in ministry and go to a small church normally you will
be unpaid staff for that ministry. Is it a blessing to be in ministry? Yes.
It takes it's toll on you and your health when you work full time and do
ministry. #3) We have to have set days to spend time together because
ministry usually fills our days and nights completely. We have to
"schedule" time to hang out with just us as a couple and not with people.
Otherwise, our attitude towards one another becomes not so nice. It's sad
but I know that this schedule will only be able to last one the babies come
along. It's temporary.

Sometimes, it is very frustrating to feel like God has just overlooked you
on certain aspects but at the same time knowing that he hasn't. He blesses
everyone different, and our blessings may seem like less of a blessing
compared to others but none the less God still takes care of us. Do I get
jealous of others who have kids, a house, pets, money? I do, I am not
ashamed to admit that I feel that way, more recent than not. It's so hard
not to be able to see the footstep in front of you that you are supposed to
take. We are forced to walk blindly with the Lord guiding us. It's hard to
cling to that, If God is guiding us, sometimes I want to peek my eyes open
and see where I am going but when I do, all I see is blank around me. God
whispers to me: "You will not know your destination until we arrive there,
only then can your eyes be truly opened to your purpose for this moment."

Uhhhh (deep sigh). I deeply desire to have babies and a home with pets and
our house filled with friends and family we love. As for now, I will have
to be content with what God has given me. Only God knows if those dreams
deep within me are God's purpose for us.....